B16 2022 pLAYOFF

THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE!!! THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE!!!

Many battles have been fought. Hard fought victories and hard fought losses. Joyous, victorious cheers were had all the while crushing and demoralizing defeats were endured. 8 teams successfully made it off the battlefield to the safety of the winners bracket. For another couple of days. 6 teams were dealt crippled blows and have been left to try and drag themselves off the bloody field of chaos. 2 teams, however, are just…..bleehhhhh. Just out here being Switzerland, tickle fighting each other for the right to win a Snuggie with a copy of Dusty’s graduation photo on it. Enjoy this @ Austin and Conor, it is probably the last time you'll be mentioned in this. Be better next year. Be worse next year. Just do something different.

Loser’s Bracket

9 vs 10

BLEEEHHHHHHHHHHH - We don’t care

11 vs 12

Cops With Jeeps vs Neptune’s Nipples

Here we have the luckiest team in the B16 back where he belongs facing off against the biggest sore loser this league has ever seen. One of these teams we expect to suck every year and are actually surprised they don’t. The other team team was hit with some adversity and caved under the pressure.

Cops With Jeeps. What can I say? Welcome back? Home is where the heart is? You can take the team out of the suck (sometimes) but you cant take the suck out of the team? Whatever it is, good luck, officer. Mr. Nipples, the fan favorite to swap out his trusty trident for a shiny new Golden Plunger, is navigating unfamiliar waters. Trade and trade and trade as you may, the bottom of The Great Porcelain Sea was always the destination of Neptune’s throne for this upcoming offseason. I would like to wish you luck, but nahh. Maybe you can swap that Plunger for a different trophy next year.

13 vs 14

Grizzly Wintergreens vs Windy City Warlocks

One of these teams used to be named “Striving for Mediocrity”. With a couple more games to go the Warlocks need to win all three of them to be considered mediocre. Talk about a team that had a rough year, the Warlocks score a lot of points but i don’t think they’ve ever even heard of the word defense before. Lucky for them though, they are playing the Grizzly Wintergreens, a team full of guys that dont know if they’ll be on the team at the end of the game. But even more importantly, is the fact that whoever is on the team doesn’t score many points anyway. The battle of the stoppable force vs the movable object. Must. See. TV right here folks.

15 vs 16

Bad Boys vs Weiser Wizards

2-12 vs 2-12. We all know that I am terrible at math but even I can count to 2 and add 2+2. That means these two teams managed to have two of the worst seasons in B16 history. Is 4 combined wins the least amount of combined wins ever for a 1st round postseason game? I don't do research, someone tell me after you read this. We all know the Weiser Wizards are firmly on Mount Flushmore, we don't need more detail in that massive face. But I think it would be to the delight of all in the league to experience a Drew vs Cameron Toilet Bowl (and Drew lose of course, per league voting). So in support of the Weiser Wizards, I will pour a cold one in magical honor.

Winner’s Bracket

4 vs 5

Berwick Boomers vs Red Headed Woodypeckers

Two teams that made it off the battlefield, albeit with some worrisome issues. Both teams were seen limping and staggering, carrying wounded teammates to the playoffs. Both teams had good runs earlier in the year but kinda struggled to close out in recent weeks. As a participating member of this matchup I feel compelled to give my unbiased opinion on the matchup. The RHWP are the better team with a better logo. W for the Peckers. Justin Fields for 40. Colts defense for 18. Lock it in.

3 vs 6

Roaring Buffalos vs Buzzed Lightbeers

When I think about the Roaring Buffalos, here is what I imagine. I see Jeremy in full surrender cobra pose, shaking his head and saying “ohhhh no what have I done” Then the camera pans down and we see his opponent laying on the ground, bloody face and being repeatedly kicked in the face. It’s like the hot chick that doesn't know she's hot. A pinch of confidence and a dash of “look at me” and we may have ourselves a real player. But if there is anyone who could catch one of those kicks to the face, one handed, even, it's Gary Short. I mean, loom at those arms!! The biceps!! AUSTIN PUT THAT THING AWAY!!!! NO ITS NOT JUST THE PLEATS, WE ALL KNOW!!! The Buzzed Lightbeers are always just there. Wherever “there” is. The playoffs? Sure. The loser’s bracket? Yea i can see it. The group chat though? Not a chance. Never in the group chat. For that reason alone, I hope we all get to see that buffalo running and swinging at one more time.

2 vs 7

Check My Balls vs Zealous Zoo Roos

Again. No research, but I feel like the Zoo Roos haven't won a playoff game since, like, 2014, since Obama was in office. Something like that. Fact check, please? How many presidents can we get through before they get another playoff win? I say at least one more. I don't even know what to say about Kyle. Check the balls, man, don't swing at them. Yes, I know, terrible team name play on words. Leave me alone. Kyle, are you aware that you carry the dreams of every member of this league, well at least the athletes here, as well as, like……all of Middletown on your shoulders?!?!?! Just be better, for Middletown. For The Middlie.

1 vs 8

Direwolves vs Groh NToTheTop

I feel like we've seen this before. A dominant season from the Direwolves only to be upset and ousted early and having to deal with the reality of disappointment. I don't think that will happen this time though. To be honest I didn't even know Jordan was in the playoffs until I looked at the matchups to write this little blog thing here. I don't necessarily want Justin to win as much as I want Jordan to lose. Has anyone in this league ever had a legit debate/argument with Jordan where he presents real valid points as opposed to “ can you even read? Just read” and “yea well you’re wrong”? Anyone? Didn't think so. I want Jordan to lose purely out of spite, and in spite of my matchup next week. I don't care. Youre stupid and cant read.

My Picks

Austin vs Conor - We don't care

Gabe vs Drew - Gabe

TJ vs Adam - Adam

Cameron vs Vic - Vic

Derreck vs Alec - Derreck

Jeremy vs Gary - Jeremy

Kyle vs Chris - Kyle

Justin vs Jordan - Justin

2022 franchise rankings

The discussion of Mt. Rushmore and Mt. Flushmore has taken the B16 League by storm over this past year. Everyone has an opinion on who should be on and off those lists, and more often than not personal bias gets in the way.

I figured it was time to put some analytics to this debate when I came across an article from The Athletic titled, “2022 NFL Super Bowl Era Franchise Rankings.” In this article, the writer came up with a formula to rank the best NFL franchises. The formula was a point system that awarded points for winning a Super Bowl, making the Super Bowl, making the AFC/NFC Championship Game, and making the playoffs. Here’s the point system from the article:

Winning the Super Bowl: 11pts

Losing the Super Bowl: 5pts

AFC/NFC Championship Game: 3pts

Making the Playoffs: 1pts

The results of this formula were pretty accurate to the way franchises are viewed in the NFL. Here are the NFL results for this point system:

The Heavyweights (Tier 1)

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (116pts)

2. New England Patriots (115pts)

3. Dallas Cowboys (112pts)

4. San Francisco 49ers (104pts)

The Light Heavyweights (Tier 2)

5. Green Bay Packers (82pts)

6. Las Vegas Raiders (79pts)

7. Denver Broncos (76pts)

8. Los Angeles Rams (69pts)

The Middleweights (Tier 3)

9. Indianapolis Colts (61pts)

10. New York Giants (60pts)

11. Washington Commanders (59pts)

12. Miami Dolphins (59pts)

13. Minnesota Vikings (58pts)

14. Kansas City Chiefs (57pts)

15. Philadelphia Eagles (50pts)

The Welterweights (Tier 4)

16. Buffalo Bills (40pts)

17. Seattle Seahawks (39pts)

18. Baltimore Ravens (37pts)

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (36pts)

20. Chicago Bears (36pts)

21. Tennessee Titans (36pts)

22. New York Jets (32pts)

23. New Orleans Saints (28pts)

The Lightweights (Tier 5)

24. Cincinnati Bengals (27pts)

25. Atlanta Falcons (26pts)

26. Los Angeles Chargers (24pts)

27. Cleveland Browns (24pts)

28. Carolina Panthers (20pts)

The Featherweights (Tier 6)

29. Arizona Cardinals (15pts)

30. Detroit Lions (14pts)

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (13pts)

32. Houston Texans (6pts)

Inspired by the rankings system, I decided to plug in the B16 results to the same formula. Here is how I translated the point system to the B16 League Universe:

Winning the B16 Bowl: 11pts

Losing the B16 Bowl: 5pts

FInal Four Appearance: 3pts

Playoff Appearance: 1pt

The results of this formula may startle some of you. Sometimes the truth does that. But this is an unbiased formula, and sometimes the truth hurts. Here’s my tiers based on the results:

Mt. Rushmore (Tier 1)

1. Alec Fultz (26pts)

2. Gabe Staton (25pts)

Woody Wannabes (Tier 2)

3. Justin Wolfe (19pts)

4. Jordan Groh (18pts)

5. Derreck Lovelace (18pts)

Dirty’s D’s (Tier 3)

6. Conor O'Hea (15pts)

7. Victor Eagle (15pts)

8. Chris Short (15pts)

9. Adam Bowman (14pts)

Plunger Hunters (Tier 4)

10. Drew McCullough (13pts)

11. Cam Mathis (11pts)

12. Gary Short (11pts)

Mt. Flushmore (Tier 5)

13. TJ Yenke (10pts)

14. Kyle Schwarber (9pts)

15. Jeremy Schneider (8pts)

16. Austin Downing (6pts)

My analysis of this list is that it rewards good performances without punishing bad performances. This makes sense in the context of the NFL. The winners get rewarded with accolades and trophies, while the losers also get rewarded with high draft capital. Poor performing NFL seasons are not as punishing as finishing in the Toilet Bowl of the B16 League.

So I decided to put my own spin on the formula and add in punishments for Golden Plungers, Toilet Bowl Appearances, and finishing in the bottom 4. Here is my updated formula:

Winning the B16 Bowl: 11pts

Losing the B16 Bowl: 5pts

FInal Four Appearance: 3pts

Playoff Appearance: 1pt

Bottom 4 Finish: -3pts

Toilet Bowl Win: -5pts

Golden Plunger: -11pt

The results using this formula were more in line with league consensus based on opinions shared on the B16 League Podcast:

Mt. Rushmore (Tier 1)

1. Alec Fultz (26pts)

Woody Wannabes (Tier 2)

2. Jordan Groh (15pts)

3. Justin Wolfe (14pts)

4. Drew McCullough (13pts)

Dirty D’s (Tier 3)

5. Cam Mathis (11pts)

6. TJ Yenke (10pts)

7. Chris Short (7pts)

8. Gary Short (5pts)

9. Derreck Lovelace (4pts)

Plunger Hunters (Tier 4)

10. Jeremy Schneider (0pts)

11. Conor O'Hea (-2pts)

12. Gabe Staton (-4pts)

13. Victor Eagle (-4pts)

Mt. Flushmore (Tier 5)

14. Adam Bowman (-16pts)

15. Austin Downing (-17pts)

16. Kyle Schwarber (-27pts)

It is time that we bring some validity to the Mt. Rushmore/Mt. Flushmore debate. My updated system that rewards good performance and punishes bad performance is a legitimate metric of what we care about in the B16 League. Therefore, I announce this formula as the certified point system of the B16 League Mt. Rushmore and Mt. Flushmore debate. I promise that there is no bias.

the mutha f***ing real rankings

16.Windy City

15.Ad

14.cops

13.the bad boys

12.prison mike

11.woodpeckers

10.zoo Roos

9.groh

8.dire wolves

7.check my halls

6.weiser wizards

5.boomers

4.roaring

3.nips

2.light beers

1.the electric mutha f**kin foresters

none of those rankings matter cuz everyone is playing for second place to the electric foresters.

AD's B16 Rankings

Potential Plungers

16. Groh NToTheTop

New year, same story. This team would have been better off on Auto Draft. Miles Sanders at pick 19? YIKES. I’m not sure what the draft strategy was here and I’m not quite sure if there was a strategy to begin with. Could this be the year Groh NToTheTop turns it around? The answer to that question is no. Consider this franchise all but a lock for the Plunger.

15. COPS WITH JEEPS*

During the day he’s saving the world, but there’s no saving this franchise in 2020. Should have had Ashley draft his team again. This franchise is going to need Saquon to carry the team this year. If he can’t, look for this franchise to throw some Hail Mary Chipotle trades up yet again. Don’t look for this franchise to climb up any rankings in the near future. Strong Plunger Candidate.

14. Windy City Warlocks

New team. New Logo. Potential Plunger. A one-time Woody recipient seems to still be suffering from the Woody Hangover. Might be time to look into rehab facilities with how long this hangover has lasted. Mixon and Chubb will have to carry this team, or else, expect Bowman to be playing for the Bowman.

13. The Redheaded Woodypeckers

After a couple decent seasons, it’s back to reality for this owner. And to be honest, this is exactly where this franchise belongs. The Ginger took Kamara in the 1^st round (insert surprised face). He’s going to need to carry the team again. And Baker at QB1…did you not watch football last season? Even with a decent start this owner will hit the panic button and blow up the roster at the trade deadline. Strong Toilet Bowl candidate but this isn’t unfamiliar territory.

May Sneak In

12. Big Dick Basterds

Love the makeup of this team and honestly, they could be ranked higher. Lamar, Melvin, Hunt, JuJu, and Amari Cooper round out some nice starters. Even Gronk out of retirement. The Flexes are going to have to pick up the slack. This team could easily be a top 8 team at some point this year. Look for the BDB’s to get litty this year and slide up some rankings.

11. Buzzed Lightbeers

Gary short. Hell a personality. Hell of a body. Hell of Gary. Gary is one of the best owners in the league. Always more of a playoff candidate than a Plunger candidate every year. The WR’s are strong on this roster. After Gary makes moves, and we know he will, look for this team to slide up. Before the deadline, don’t be surprised if some of the Woodypeckers make their way over to this roster.

10. Roaring Buffaloes

The half surrender cobra was out at draft night this year, which is a win for this franchise. Overall I think, the roster doesn’t look bad. And Jeremy is always willing to shake up the roster. I think the Buffaloes sneak in. Consider them my Dark Horse team for the year. When the Buffaloes make it, expect this owner to be shmacking some Claws.

9. Prison Mike

The worst part of the Mike’s is their Defense. The Mike’s are an intriguing team. They could boom and make a run or they could bust and play for the Big Ol’ T Cup. Mahomes at the helm won’t allow them to fall to Toilet Bowl team but I see them somewhere in the middle and definitely contending for a playoff spot. The roster looks as smooth as this owners golf swing.

Playoff Teams

8. Neptunes Nipples

The Nips. When you lose your kicker and ESPN’s rankings drop you to 15, that could spell disaster. This owner is active and is always looking to build the roster but sometimes analytics get in the way. If Dalvin goes down, uh oh. A healthy Dalvin gets this team the 8 seed. A hurt Dalvin makes this a Toilet Bowl contended. Either way, this team isn’t scaring anyone even after checking in at #8 on AD’s Power Rankings.

7. The Dire Wolves

I didn’t expect this franchise to be this high on my Power Rankings. Honestly, I thought that the Dire Wolves were going to need Dire help this year. But this roster shaped up better than anticipated. The roster is young and if the injury bug hits, the Wolves are going to need major help. If healthy, this is a playoff team. If hurt, it’s more of a Toilet Bowl team (Insert kiss the ring comment). We’ll assume this team stays healthy….for now.

6. Weisers Wizards

Big year for this franchise and thank goodness for Auto Draft. If this owner actually drafts his team, I’m not sure it’s as good as it is right now. This owner didn’t show up on draft night, again, but I can’t say the same for Lori that night. If this owner doesn’t actually manage his team, look for new ownership in 2021. This is a big year for many reasons for this franchise.

5. The Bad Boys

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, what you gonna do when they come for you? I’m not sure, but even at #5 this team doesn’t scare anyone. The Bad Boys have a solid RB crew and the WR are so so. Assuming they stay healthy, they could make a run but not really threaten for the Woody. They check in at #5, but this is really the ceiling for this franchise.

4. Berwick Boomers

The Boomers have a lot going for them at the moment. They received Christian McCaffrey #1 again. Not to mention they’re coming off a championship. Oh yeah, and their owner is the commish who makes their schedule. Let’s be real, the roster is overhyped. By when you make your own schedule, the odds are in their favor. The Boomers clock in at #4 but does a Woody hangover loom in the horizon?

3. Check My Balls

Finally this owner drafted his own team instead of Jordan Groh. Coincidence that this team checks in at #3 and Jordan #16? I’ll let you decide. This could be the year The Balls make a legitimate run at the Woody. A late run by the Cubs in the postseason could take the focus away from this franchise, but these balls are well inflated and poised to make a title run.

2. The AD Fantasy Football Team

All bias aside, this is the year for this franchise. After years of not receiving the praise that should have came with the seasons put together by this owner, this is the strongest roster in this franchises history. A rebrand of the name and White Claws in the War Room were a recipe for success. Easily a Woody favorite.

1. Zealous Zoo Roos

They’re back. The Zoo Roos are the #1 team on AD’s Power Rankings. Could this be the year the league finally has a two-time winner? We’re going to have to watch it play out, but it seems not drafting with Justin Wolfe this year did a lot of good (Insert kiss the ring comment again). The Roos are loaded with quality starters and have a deep bench. There really aren’t any weak parts to this team. Another Woody favorite.

AD’s Pre-Season Awards

Dark Horse Team: Roaring Buffaloes

Owner of the year: Jeremy Schnieder

Plunger Recipient: Jordan Groh

Woody Recipient: Zealous Zoo Roos

2020 PRE-DRAFT FINAL STANDING PREDICTIONS

WITH THE START OF A NEW FANTASY FOOTBALL SEASON UPON US AND WITH THE LAUNCH OF OUR NEW CUSTOM WEBSITE AND BLOG, I WAS ASKED TO WRITE UP WHAT I THINK OUR LEAGUE’S FINAL STANDINGS WILL LOOK LIKE. I GLADLY ACCEPTED THIS CHALLENGE AND AM DELIGHTED TO SHARE MY FIRST EVER BLOG POST WITH 15 OF MY MOST HATED FRIENDS. AND WITH THAT BEING SAID, LETS FIND OUT WHERE I THINK ALL OF YOU WILL FINISH THIS YEAR.

16. WEISER WIZARDS – VICTOR EAGLE

IS VIC ALIVE? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WHEREABOUTS? IT’S GOING TO BE QUITE DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO DRAFT IF HE IS MIA. VICTOR IS COMING OFF A SEASON IN WHICH HE WAS ESSENTIALLY A LOCK TO WIELD THE GOLDEN PLUNGER FROM THE START OF THE SEASON. IF I AM BEING HONEST I WAS NOT SURPRISED AS MERELY MINUTES AFTER THE DRAFT WAS FINISHED I RAN INTO VICTOR AT THE HOUSE OF BREWS. TAKE NOTE OF MY CHOICE OF WORDS THERE. I RAN INTO VICTOR. I HAVE KNOWN THIS BEAR SIZED CHIPMUNK FOR 20 YEARS AND HE WAS SO INEBRIATED THAT HE DIDN’T EVEN RECOGNIZE ME. IF THAT IS HOW THE WEISER WIZARDS TREAT OUR SACRED DRAFT DAY THEN I SEE NO REASON WHY HIS STANDING WILL CHANGE THIS YEAR. PREPARE FOR ANOTHER OFFSEASON WITH THE GOLDEN PLUNGER, VIC.

15. GROH NTOTHETOP – JORDAN GROH

CAN I INTEREST YOU IN JAMISON CROWDER IN THE 3RD? HOW ABOUT AUDEN TATE IN THE 4TH? JAKEEM GRANT? THE CURRENT LINE IS OVER/ UNDER 55% ON WHETHER JORDAN DRAFTS JAKEEM GRANT. ANY TAKERS? YOU WOULD THINK THAT OVER THE PREVIOUS 7 YEARS JORDAN WOULD HAVE LEARNED THAT YOU CANT WIN IN FANTSAY FOOTBALL, ESPECIALLY NOT THE B16, WITH A ROSTER FULL OF MEDIOCRE SLOT RECEIVERS. BUT ALAS, HE HAS NOT AND THE REST OF THE LEAGUE IS BETTER OFF BECAUSE OF IT. DON’T LET JORDAN’S CRITICISM OF LITERALLY EVERY PICK THAT MADE BY SOMEONE THAT IS NOT HIM FOOL YOU OR GET YOUR SPIRITS DOWN. GROH NTOTHETOP WILL PROCEED TO DRAFT A TERRIBLE TEAM ONCE AGAIN, HOLD ON TO HIS SLOT RECEIVERS THAT HE VALUES WAY TO HIGH FOR TOO LONG AND COMPLAIN THAT IT MAKES NO SENSE WHY HE LOST EVERY WEEK ALL THE WHILE OFFERING ATROCIOUS TRADES CONTAINING THOSE SLOT RECEIVERS THAT ARE CARRYING HIS TEAM ALONG THE FAST TRACK TO A SHOWDOWN WITH OUR VERY OWN TALKING CIRCUS BEAR.

14. COPS WITH JEEPS – GABE STATON

WHAT CAN I SAY? OLD RIVALRIES DIE HARD. SO TO DO LUCKY FANTASY FOOTBALL SEASONS FOR BAD FANTASY FOOTBALL OWNERS AND THERE ARE NONE WORSE THAN OUR JEEP DRIVING, BAD GUY CATCHING, MUSTACHE WEARING, DOUGHNUT DEVOURING, FANTASY FOOTBALL LOSING, GABE STATON. WILL HE DRAFT AARON RODGERS AT NUMBER 4 OVERALL? WILL HE DRAFT A SOLID TEAM AND TRADE IT AWAY? WHO KNOWS WITH THIS FELLA. ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT COME PLAYOFF TIME THE COPS WITH JEEPS WILL BE OUT OF THE PLAYOFF PICTURE DUE TO NO ONES FAULT BUT HIS OWN (UNLESS YOU COUNT ASHLEY SAUTER NOT DRAFTING FOR HIM HER FAULT). GABE WAS MY RIVAL FOR THE FIRST 6 YEARS OF THE B16 BUT I HAD TO CHANGE IT UP, I NEEDED AN ACTUAL CHALLENGE THAT OFFICER “IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, I DRIVE A JEEP” WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE ME (MORE ON THAT LATER IN THE ARTICLE). UNTIL GABE’S JEEP AND BADGE ARE ABLE TO HELP HIM WIN SOME FANTASY FOOTBALL GAMES WE WILL CONTINUE TO SEE GABE STATON NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE. 2020 WILL BRING MORE OF THE SAME.

13. I DON’T GET NO RESPECT – ADAM BOWMAN

THERE AREN'T MANY TIMES AN OWNER CAN CLAIM BAD LUCK FOR THEIR HORRENDOUS FANTASY FOOTBALL CAREER. ADAM BOWMAN MAY VERY WELL BE ONE OF THOSE OWNERS. HE HAS HAD A FEW STREAKS OF BAD LUCK THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS. IF I WERE TO GIVE ADAM ONE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT WOULD DRASTICALLY IMPROVE HIS B16 PERFORMANCE IT WOULD BE THIS: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY IN THIS WORLD STOP DRAFTING COLTS PLAYERS!!!!!!!!!! NO, SERIOUSLY STOP. YOU ARE SINGLE HANDEDLY WRECKING OUR SEASONS. DON’T LET ME SKIP OVER THAT FRANCHISE REBRANDING FROM LAST YEAR. “I DON’T GET NO RESPECT”??? COME ON NOW. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE RESPECTING? THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A POOP-PULLER-OUTER NAMED AFTER YOU? MAYBE YOU COULD USE THAT PLUNGER TO HELP PULL YOUR FANTASY FRANCHISE OUT OF THE B16 CELLAR? DO WE RESPECT YOUR WOODY? NOT REALLY, NO. GABE ALSO HAS A WOODY. DO WE RESPECT HIS FRANCHISE TOO? NOPE, NO NO, TO THE HELL NAW WE DON’T. UNTIL BOWMAN PROVES HE CAN BE A CONTENDER YEAR IN AND YEAR OUT HE WILL CONTINUE TO GET NO RESPECT. NO MATTER HOW MUCH AND IN WHAT MANNER HE BEGS US TO.

12. BIG DICK BASTERDS – TJ

YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF THE ZERO-RB AND ZERO-WR DRAFT STRATEGY BEFORE. BUT HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE O-RB AND O-WR DRAFT STRATEGY? WHERE THE “O” STANDS FOR “ONLY”? HIGHLY UNLIKELY. THAT’S BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON WHO FOLLOWS THIS STRATEGY AND THAT’S OUR VERY OWN BIG OL’ T. THE BIG DICK BASTERDS TAKE THE ZERO-RB AND ZERO-WR STRATEGIES TO THE EXTREME BY DRAFTING APPROXIMATELY 9 OF EITHER POSITION DEPENDING ON THE YEAR. SOMETIMES THIS WORKS OUT FOR HIM S HE CAN TRADE SOME OF THEM IN RETURN FOR PLAYERS AT POSITIONS THAT HE NEGLECTED IN THE DRAFT. THE ENTIRE LEAGUE TYPICALLY KNOWS WHETHER OR NOT TJ WILL BE RELEVANT AT THE END OF THE YEAR BY ABOUT WEEK 8 OF THE SEASON. IF TJ IS MIDDLE OF THE PACK HE WILL STAY LIKELY STAY ENGAGED AT THE MINIMUM, IF NOT BE ACTIVE. IF HE IS BOTTOM OF THE PACK FEEL FREE TO SEND HIM TRADES ALL DAY EVERY DAY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE WHAT HIS TEAM IS DOING. MAYBE EVEN OFFER HIM A 12 PACK OF BUDS TO ENJOY DURING THE DRAFT IN HOPES HE WILL RETURN THE FAVOR IN THE FORM OF A GOOD TRADE. MAYBE NOT THOUGH. MAYBE JUST OFFER HIM THE BUDS AND SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE SHOW ON DRAFT NIGHT.

11. PRISON MIKE – CONOR O’HEA

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PRISON MIKE DOESN’T HAVE HIS DEMENTORS FLYING AROUND TO SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF HIS OPPONENTS? IT LOOKS A LOT LIKE THIS. A TEAM WHOSE FOUNDATIONS FOR SUCCESS ARE LUCK, DRAGGING OTHER TEAMS DOWN TO THEIR TALENT LEVEL AND PLAYING PHYSICAL, ALBIET AN AGGRESSIVELY EVIL STYLE OF PHYSICAL, FANTASY FOOTBALL LOSES THEIR WAY AND FALLS FAR FROM B16 GLORY. I WOULD BE REMISS IF I FAILED TO MENTION THAT ONE SEASON IN WHICH PRISON MIKE WAS IN FACT THE BELL OF THE BALL. BUT THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. AND IF WE’RE BEING HONEST HE ROBBED, STOLE AND KIDNAPPED THAT WOODY FROM THE REST OF THE LEAGUE ANYWAY. I THINK PRISON MIKE NEEDS TO TAKE SOME TIME AND GO HOME AND RECHARGE HIS BATTERIES. MAYBE HAVE A GRUEL SAMMICH? A GRUEL OMLET OR TWO SHOULD DO THE TRICK. PRISON MIKE HAS HAD A GOOD LIFE!!! HE’S HAD A GOOD LIFE!! AND HE’S THROWN IT AWAY! HAVE FUN IN THE B16 LOSERS BRACKET, PRISON MIKE.

10. AD FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM – Austin downing

WHERE DO I BEGIN WITH THIS MOTHER F@#&ER? IS HE TOP 4 IN TOTAL WINS? YES. IS HE TOP 15 IN PLAYOFF WINS? HA HA HA HA OH GEEZ THAT’S A GOOD ONE. IS HE TOP 3 IN POINTS FOR? SURE HE IS. DOES THAT MATTER? NEGATIVE. HAS HE EVER ACTUALLY WON ANYTHING? NOPE. NO NO, TO THE HELL NAW. DOES HE COMPLAIN EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. ABOUT HOW HE SCORES SO MANY MORE POINTS THAN ¾ OF THE LEAGUE BUT STILL CANT WIN A SINGLE PLAYOFF GAME? HE ABSOLUTELY DOES. WILL THAT CHANGE THIS YEAR? SAY IT WITH ME EVERYONE!! NOPE, NO NO, TO THE ………….. IN ALL SERIOUSNESS THOUGH, I DON’T THINK WE CAN BLAME AUSTIN FOR BEING INCAPABLE OF DRAFTING A WOODY-WINNING TEAM. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO ANATOMY FOR DOWNING. HE MAY SEE A GOOD PLAYER HE WANTS TO DRAFT BUT HIS LITTLE BABY HANDS CAN'T REACH THE DRAFT BUTTON FOR THAT PLAYER SO HE HAS TO SETTLE FOR LESSER PLAYERS WHO WILL NEVER HELP HIM WIN A WOODY. HE CANT HELP IT THAT HE SUCKS. HE HAS TO WORK WITH WHAT HE HAS, AND TO BE BLUNT, IT’S NOT VERY MUCH. SO WHAT IS AUSTIN GOING TO DO IN THE B16 THIS YEAR? VERY LITTLE. NOT MUCH. COME UP SHORT. WON’T REACH THE PLAYOFFS. LOSE HIS GRIP ON HIS CAREER STADINGS. ALL OF THESE ARE TRUE. DOWNING, YOU SUCK.

PS: REMEMBER THE TEAM I SWAPPED GABE FOR AS MY RIVAL? THAT WAS DOWNING. I'M STILL WAITING ON A CHALLENGE FROM MY RIVAL.

9. THE DIRE WOLVES – JUSTIN WOLFE

JUSTIN AND HIS DIRE WOLVES ARE A TRUE RARITY IN OUR LEAGUE. ONE OF THE FEW OWNERS WHO TYPICALLY DRAFTS REALLY WELL, ALWAYS MAKES SOME RIDICULOUS TRADE WITH EITHER GABE OR KYLE TO MAKE HIS TEAM EVEN BETTER, AND IS ALWAYS NEAR THE TOP OF THE LEAGUE. HOWEVER, EVEN WITH THAT CONSISTENCY HE IS ALWAYS HIT OR MISS TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. IN OUR PREVIOUS 7 YEARS JUSTIN HAS ONLY MADE THE PLAYOFFS 3 TIMES. IF THIS WAS THE NFL JUSTIN WOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED TWICE ALREADY. AND YES, I KNOW HE’S GOT A BIG OL’ RING AND HIS NAME IS ON THE WOODY. BUT SIMILAR TO GABE AND ADAM AND CONOR, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY? HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO LET THE DIRE WOLVES UNDERPERFORM YET STILL WAVE HIS BEDAZZLED HAND OVER OUR HEADS? COME ON, JUSTIN, EITHER STEP YOUR TRASH TALK GAME UP OR STEP YOUR FANTASY FOOTBALL GAME UP, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW YOU’RE A ONE TRICK PONY WHOSE ONE TRICK IS SO OLD IT’S GOT LAYERS OF DUST ALL OVER IT. I FULLY RESPECT JUSTIN’S ABILITY TO DRAFT A SOLID TEAM AND BE NEAR A PLAYOFF SPOT ALL YEAR. ULTIMATELY, THOUGH, HE WILL MISS THE PLAYOFFS ONCE AGAIN AND CRY WITH AUSTIN ABOUT HOW THEY WERE BOTH TOP 3 IN SCORING AND HOW THEY BOTH MISSED THE PLAYOFFS. WHAT I LOOK FORWARD TO THE MOST IS WATCHING JUSTIN AND DOWNING PUT THEIR PRIDE ON THE LINE AND FACE OFF AGAINST EACH OTHER TO SEE WHO THE BEST TEAM REALLY WAS. *HINT: IT’S NEITHER OF THEM*

8. BUZZED LIGHTBEERS – GARY SHORT

GARY, GARY, GARY (READ THAT IN SAMUAL L. JACKSON’S VOICE). MY BEST TRADE BUDDY AND MY WORST TRADE ENEMY. I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN AND I WILL NOT FORGET TO BE SURE TO DO ZERO DEALINGS WITH YOU AFTER WEEK 10. NOW, WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, LETS TALK ABOUT GARY AS A DRAFTER AND AN OWNER. DOES HE DRAFT WELL? DOES HE MAKE GOOD TRADES? DOES HE MAKE SOLID WAIVER PICKUPS? IS HE A REAL PERSON? IT’S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE SEEN GARY I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE HE’S REAL OR IF HES JUST A COMPUTER GENERATED TEAM WE USE SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF HAVING 16 TEAMS. THE ONLY THING I REALLY KNOW ABOUT “GARY” IS THAT “HE” OWNS A TEAM THAT I WOULDN’T LIKE TO MEET IN THE PLAYOFFS (BECAUSE ITS PROBABLY FULL OF MY PLAYERS) AND THAT “HE” WILL BE IN CONTENTION (BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE COMPUTER AND APP ALGORITHMS REQUIRE “HIM” TO BE THERE).

7. ROARING BUFFALOES – JEREMY SCHNEIDER

I’LL MAKE YOU A DEAL. I'LL GIVE YOU 3 OF MY MEDIOCRE PLAYERS FOR 2 OF THE BEST PLAYERS IN THE LEAGUE? DEAL? DEAL! JEREMY HAS COME A VEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY LONG WAY FROM THE FANTASY TRADE TARGET HE WAS WHEN THE B16 FIRST STARTED (MAYBE NOT THOUGH). DOES EVERYONE REMEMBER WHEN HE COULDN’T MAKE A PICK WITHOUT JUSTIN’S APPROVAL? THOSE WERE THE DAYS. SINCE THEN JEREMY HAS LEARNED A LOT. THE ONE MAJOR THING HE HASN’T LEARNED JUST YET? CONFIDENCE. ON DRAFT NIGHT YOU CAN WATCH JEREMY DEMORALIZE HIMSELF WITH EVERY PICK HE MAKES. IF YOU EVEN SAY THE NAME CARSON WENTZ AROUND JEREMY HE CRINGES AND SAHKES HIS HEAD. I HAVE FAITH IN THE ROARING BUFFALOES THIS YEAR THOUGH. THEY WILL MAKE THEIR PICKS WITH CONVICTIONS AND NOT OFFER EVERY PLAYER THEY DRAFT TO SOMEONE ELSE AS THEY ARE DRAFTING SAID PLAYER. WITH ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, THE REST OF THE LEAGUE SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR THE INEVITABLE TRADE THAT JEREMY MAKES THAT WILL DESTROY HIS TEAM AND LAUNCH ANOTHER INTO THE WOODY FAVORITE CONVERSATION. THIS PROJECTION IS FROM THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE JEREMY DOESN’T MAKE THAT TRADE.

6. THE BAD BOYS – CAMERON “DRILLBIT” MATHIS

- DRILLBIT WILL PROBABLY BE AT THE DRAFT PARTY

- DRILLBIT WILL COMMENT APPROXIMATELY ONCE A YEAR IN THE GROUP CHAT TO TALK TRASH ABOUT DREW’S TEAM

- DRILLBIT WILL QUIETLY DRAFT A GOOD NOT GREAT TEAM

- DRILLBIT WILL MAKE THE PLAYOFFS

- DRILLBIT WILL LOSE IN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS

- DID I MISS ANYTHING?

5. CHECK MY BALLS – KYLE SCHWARBER

IT IS AMAAZING WHAT HAPPENS WHEN KYLE DRAFTS HIS OWN TEAM. AFTER YEARS OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH WHATEVER GARBAGE TEAM JORDAN DRAFTED FOR HIM KYLE HAD HIMSELF A GOOD RUN LAST YEAR. SPEAKING OF JORDAN, HAVE WE ALL OFFICIALLY DECIDED THAT HE IS THE WORST OWNER IN THE LEAGUE? DRAFTING TWO TERRIBLE TEAMS EVERY YEAR SHOULD ABSOLUTELY WARRANT THE WORST OWNER TITLE. ANYWHO…THE FIRST YEAR SINCE HE GOT FAMOUS THAT KYLE WAS ABLE TO DRAFT HIS OWN GUYS AND BUILD HIS OWN TEAM HE PROVED THAT HIS PREVIOUS FAILURES WERE THE RESULT OF JORDAN’S FANTASY FOOTBALL INIQUITIES. I HAVE TO GIVE KYLE CREDIT FOR DOING AS WELL AS HE DID DURING THOSE YEARS THOUGH. CAN YOU IMAGINE SEEING YOUR ROSTER AFTER THE DRAFT AND REALIZING THAT YOU HAVE TO TRY AND BUILD A COMPETITIVE TEAM CONSISTING OF THE LIKES OF GIOVANI BERNARD, TYLER EIFERT, COLE BEASLEY, DAESHAWN HAMILTON, ADAM HUMPHRIES, ALBERT WILSON, SAMMY WATKINS AND DARWIN THOMPSON? THE FACT THAT KYLE WASN’T IN THE TOILET BOWL EVERY YEAR IS A TESTAMENT TO HIS COMPETENCY AS AN OWNER. ASSUMING HE IS ABLE TO DRAFT HIS OWN TEAM AGAIN THIS YEAR I FORSEE KYLE GUIDING HIS SQUAD TO ANOTHER PLAYOFF BIRTH THIS YEAR.

4. ZEALOUS ZOO ROOS – CHRIS SHORT

ABOUT 80% OF WHAT I SAID ABOUT JUSTIN’S TEAMS COULD BE SAID ABOUT CHRIS AS WELL. HE IS GOING TO DRAFT A SOLID TEAM, BE MIDDLE OF THE PACK OR NEAR THE TOP ALL YEAR, HE MIGHT MAKE A TRADE OR TWO AND WHEN HE LOSES HE WILL POINT TO HIS AND REMIND YOU THAT 4 SCORE AND 7 YEARS AGO HE WON A WOODY. THE ZOO ROOS ARE ONE OF THE MORE VOLATILE TEAMS IN THE B16. THOUGH WELL DRAFTED AND PROJECTED TO PERFORM AT A HIGH LEVEL, THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO UNDERPERFORM. WITH A CAREER .500 RECORD IT IS HARD TO PREDICT WHICH DIRECTION HIS TEAM WILL GO THIS SEASON. BUT FOR WHATEVER REASON I HAVE A FEELING IT WILL BE A GOOD ONE FOR THE ZOO ROOS THIS YEAR. I BELIEVE CHRIS WILL BEAT HIS AVERAGE FINAL FINISH THIS YEAR WHILST MAKING A DEEP PLAYOFF RUN. MISSING OUT BY ONE GAME I AM PREDICTING CHRIS TO TASTE JUST A BIT OF SUCCESS TO ULTIMATELY BE GIVIN A GIANT HEAPING PLATE FULL OF SHAME, MISERY AND DESPAIR THAT WILL NEVER FULFILL HIS HUNGER.

3. BERWICK BOOMERS – ALEC FULTZ

ALEC MAY VERY WELL BE THE ONLY OWNER IN THE B16 TO HAVE HIS FACE CARVED INTO OUR MOUNT RUSHMORE. THE OTHER THREE FACES ARE STILL JUST SHAPES WAITING TO BE ETCHED. WITH ALEC BEING THE MOST RECENT WOODY WINNER ALONG WITH BEING 1ST IN TOTAL WINS, 1ST IN PLAYOFF WINS, 3RD IN POINTS FOR, 1ST IN PLAYOFF APPEARENCES AND 1ST AVERAGE FINAL FINISH HE CERTAINLY HAS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE RESUME IN THE LEAGUE. THE BERWICK BOOMERS WERE LITERALLY PICKED UP AND CARRIED TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME BY THE OTHERWORLDLY CHRISTIAN MCCAFFREY. ONCE THERE HIS TEAM HAD ONE OF THE LUCKIEST GAMES IN LEAGUE HISTORY. EVEN SO, THEY WON AND THE CREDIT MUST BE GIVEN. BUT AS WE ALL KNOW, REPEATING IS THE HARDEST THING TO DO IN SPORTS AND EVEN HARDER IN THE B16 AS IT HAS STILL NOT HAPPENED. I CLEARLY DO NOT EXPECT THIS YEAR TO BE THE EYAR THAT CHANGES. HOWEVER, AS YOU’VE JUST READ, THE BERWICK BOOMERS WILL LIKELY PUT TOGETHER ANOTHER QUALITY SEASON. BUT I DO NOT EXPECT LIGHTNING TO STRIKE TWICE FOR ALEC AND I BELIEVE THEY WILL FALL JUST SHORT OF THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME AND FOR ALEC TO BE FORCED TO ENJOY THE BITTERSWEETNESS THAT IS THE CONSOLATION GAME VICTORY.

2. RED HEADED WOODYPECKERS – YOUR’S TRULY

YOU ALL FULLY EXPECTED ME TO PROJECT MYSELF TO WIN IT ALL? NOPE. I KNOW MY TEAMS BETTER THAN THAT. WILL I BE IN 1ST PLACE ALL YEAR? PROBABLY. WILL I MAKE A FEW TRADES THAT DRASTICALLY IMPROVE MY BELOW AVERAGE DRAFTED TEAM? YUPP. WILL I SCORE BETWEEN 80 AND 90 POINTS EVERY WEEK AND CATCH MY OPPONENT ON THEIR LOWEST SCORING WEEK AND PULL OFF NUMEROUS HUMILIATING VICTORIES? YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. WILL I MAKE A TRADE DEADLINE TRADE THAT SHOULD SLINGSHOT MY TEAM TO A WOODY WINNING SEASON? ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY NOT! TRY ALL YOU GUYS WANT BUT THE INEVITABLE WILL CONTINUE TO HAPPEN THIS YEAR. TIMELY SCORING WILL STRIKE A COUPLE MORE TIMES THIS YEAR AND I WILL REVEL IN ITS SUPERATURAL, MAGICAL GLORY. AND ALTHOUGH I HAVE SUPREME CONFIDENCE IN MY FUTURE TEAM AND ITS ABILITY TO MAKE IT TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME, I ALSO KNOW THAT THERE IS A 95% CHANCE THAT WHEN THE WOODYPECKERS GET THERE MY OPPONENT WILL HAVE ONE OR TWO PLAYERS SCORE 40+ POINTS AND RENDER MY MAGIC COMPLETELY USELESS. THREE TIMES THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME. I AM MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN AND RUIN MY INCREDIBLE SEASON.

1. NEPTUNE’S NIPPLES – DREW MCCULLOUGH

VERY SIMILAR TO ALEC’S PREDICTION FOR MY TEAM LAST YEAR, I FEEL LIKE DREW HAS BEEN KNOCKING ON THE DOOR OF B16 SUPREMACY FOR THE LAST FEW YEARS. DREW AND MYSELF WILL TALK EVERY DAY AND TRY TO MAKE A TRADE AND IT WILL NEVER MATERIALIZE. DREW’S TEAMS ARE ALWAYS BUILT VERY MUCH LIKE MY OWN AND WE ALWAYS NEED THE SAME THING TO ADD TO OUR TEAMS. WHEN WE FAIL TO GET A DEAL DONE WITH EACH OTHER DREW WILL MAKE A DEAL WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND WE WILL BOTH BE BETTER OFF BECAUSE OF IT. AND BECAUSE OUR TEAMS ARE BUILT SO SIMILARILY THAT IS WHY I AM PREDICTING NEPTUNE’S NIPPLES TO HARDEN UP AND CUT THROUGH THE ROUGH PATCHES OF THE SEASON AND COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE AND EVENTUALLY SHINE LIKE DIAMONDS. THE REST OF THE LEAGUE SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR DREW’S TYPICAL CHIPPER DEMEANOR TO BE TURNED ALL THE WAY UP TO A FULLY AROUSED PERKINESS AS HIS NEPTUNE’S NIPPLES STAND TALL WITH THE WOODY ON FULL DISPLAY.

PS: I HEAR THERE WILL BE SNACKS AND TREATS AT THE DRAFT PARTY. CAN SOMEONE SHOW UP A BIT EARLY AND CUT THOSE UP REAL SMALL SO AUSTIN AND PICK UP AND HOLD ONTO THE FOOD WITHOUT DROPPING IT? MAYBE A SIPPY CUP WITH HANDLES AS WELL?

PLEASE AND THANK YOU,

AUSTIN’S DADDY

B16 league Draft night

There’s just some dates you can’t forget: Your anniversary, the Super Bowl, and whatever night the B16 Draft Night falls on. We’re now less than a week away from the draft and a new season is upon us (hopefully). On August 20, Berwick Lane will be filled with laughter, hope and ”Good pick!” flying around the room at will. 2020 has been a weird year. The pandemic has changed the way we live. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, there are 3 things that are certain in life: death, taxes, and who people draft with on B16 Draft Night. Let’s take a dive into some of the things we see on draft night.

The No Shows

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention those that don’t show up on draft night. We miss their presence but the show must go on. Kyle Schwarber has never made draft night and with good reason. The Chicago Cub is typically smashing baseballs for a living. Schwarb is one of the underrated owners in this league. His all-time fantasy numbers could be much better, but instead his numbers reflect that of Jordan Groh drafted teams. Last year, Schwarb drafted his team himself and made a run at the Woody. Coincidence that he never sniffed the playoffs when Jordan drafted his team?

Gary Short is a solid fantasy owner who hasn’t made a draft night in quite some time. Gary is one of the good guys in the league. Funny, great smile, and absolutely jacked. Who doesn’t love this guy? Although he doesn’t draft with us, we all know Gary is going to be in the playoff come the end of the season.

Last and certainly not least, Victor Eagle. Everyone in this league knows there are many different angles I can go on this one. It seems like every year Victor is supposed to show up on draft night but for whatever reason, doesn’t. I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that his fantasy team does pretty much the same thing. Sure, he’s won a title. But as the saying goes, what have you done for me lately? The answer to that is: not much. Lori Eagle shows up time and time again for me, however, I really can’t say the same for Vic and this league.

Hit or Miss

Some guys do their best to make it on draft night but under certain circumstances, can’t. Adam Bowman is easily the most interesting man in this league. A 2x recipient of the Golden Plunger (which is also named ‘The Bowman’) has also hoisted The Woody. Talk about the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. When Adam attends draft night, he’s usually sitting around working the room. The conversation isn’t always fantasy football related when he talks to you, but it works for the B16’s most interesting man.

Conor O’hea is another hit or miss participant. Usually Conor is out of town on draft night, which really bums us out. What a guy this man is. When Conor isn’t with us, you can always feel his presence in the group chat. A slick, humorous individual, Conor doesn’t always share his draft strategy like others do on draft night. Focused on his team, and only his team, Prison Mike doesn’t say much but is consistently making solid picks. You never want to run into this franchise in the postseason. We hope to see Conor at this year's draft.

Cameron “Drillbit” Mathis seems to sneak in a draft or two. Cameron is very modest on draft night. It seems that league members often appreciate the picks Cameron makes, but I’m not sure luck has always been on his side. Cameron is quiet, sits by himself, and doesn’t brag about how he’s going to be the next Woody recipient. He’s really kind of like a box of chocolates on draft night, you never know what you’re going to get.

The Silent, No Assassin

When I was in school, it seemed like I could study all day and night, take all of the practice quizzes, yet still fail the tests. Look no further than Jordan Groh. Easily one of the smartest, if not the smartest, individuals in the league. However, the studying hasn’t really paid off on draft night. I think the league would agree with me when I say that bias is Jordan’s biggest downfall. I mean last year the man had 4(!!!!) Bengals on his roster. Yikes. On draft night, Jordan can be found in one of two places: 1) the comfiest place on the couch, or 2) at a table next to Alec and Drew. The quietest man in the league doesn’t say much during the draft. Jordan likely has 5-6 tabs open, hard at work knowing he’s just going to pick John Ross in the 2^nd round. I’m not sure Jordan has ever told someone “Good pick”, probably because he hates every pick for whatever reason. Look for Jordan to make waves with some of his off the chart picks.

Derreck Lovelace. Ugh. I can’t believe I have to talk about this clown. Derreck has put together a few good runs over the last couple years, but the league still doesn’t view his teams as a threat. Likely because he’ll trade them all away at some point. Derreck spent the first couple years in the league playing for The Bowman. He’s even hoisted it once before. On draft night you can find Derreck drafting alone. Often sitting on the couch by himself (sweating), Derreck feels that he needs to justify every pick he makes. The villain of the league is not a crowd favorite. On draft night, you won’t find Derreck sharing draft strategy, which the B16 league appreciates. Again, Derreck is often quiet on draft night but his team has never scared anybody in this league. If Derreck can’t win The Woody this year, is it time to sell the franchise? We can only hope.

The Independent Crowd

Gabe Staton. Cop, Jeep, new house, and asterisk Woody recipient. Gabe typically graces us with his presence on draft night when he’s not saving the world. Gabe is one of the most controversial owners in this league. First of all, he didn’t draft his team by himself in the inaugural season. Second, he’s at the center of Chipotle-gate. Since “winning” the Woody, Gabe has been pretty consistent in the league. Gabe can be found on draft night near the most people on the couch. When the draft starts, it’s go time for Gabe. Conversations stop and he’s focused on one thing: building the Cops with Jeeps franchise. He won’t show or talk draft strategy. He’s a lone wolf, determined to win a title without the asterisk.

Austin Downing. Unbiased blogger for the B16 League. You can find Downing acting alone on draft night and why not? Thus far, it’s worked in building solid teams. Near the top of the all-time wins and points scored list, the haters can’t deny the consistency of this franchise. Say what you want about the playoff record, but there’s no denying this franchise is in the mix come playoff time. On draft night, you can find Downing on the couch or sitting in a corner. Sharing draft strategy is not something that he’s willing to do. Trusting other owners on draft night is not something he’s willing to do. Expect Downing to do more of the same on this upcoming draft night.

Attached at the Hip

At the beginning of this blog I said you can always count on death, taxes, and who people draft with on draft night. Insert Chris Short and Justin Wolfe. I don’t think there’s been a draft where these two haven’t been attached at the hip. You can find these two anywhere in the room they can sit side by side. This strategy has worked for both over the years. Both are Woody recipients. Chris and Justin will tell you like it is. If they don’t like your pick, they’ll give you an ear full about it. But they’re also the first ones to let you know when they think you make a good pick. That is, when they aren’t rubbing each other’s shoulders on how well the other has drafted to that point. I mean seriously, have these guys made a bad pick since this league started? With the pandemic and social distancing this year, how will this effect these two owners? Will they social distance? Will they mask up and draft together once again? Will they Zoom each other instead? There are more questions than answers at this point, but I expect these two to find a way to continue their draft strategy.

Drafting Together at a Distance

Some members want to draft together, but they don’t want to make the others team better than their own. This is what I think of when I look at the table of Alec Fultz, Drew McCullough, and TJ Yenke. This has been just as big of a staple on draft night as Chris and Justin drafting together. You can find these 3 sitting at the nearest table, facing each other. TJ often joins Fultz and Drew, but does his own thing. TJ is known to load up at one position and claim he has the top team in the league. He often enjoys himself on draft night, doesn’t talk strategy, and is an absolute wild card when it comes to drafting. You never know when TJ is going off the rails with his picks. Regardless, TJ seems to have a solid team each season. On the other sides of that table is Drew and Fultz. These two fine owners, draft together, but do they really? From the outside looking in, they help each other, but not to make the other team better than the other. The draft strategy sharing is limited at that table, especially if Jordan Groh is at the table. Drew is the analytical guy, making decisions on numbers and with good logic. Fultz goes based off of mock drafts and past seasons. Both owners have solid franchises. But one has to wonder, which franchise would be better if one of the owners wasn’t in charge of the schedule?

The Season is Over on Draft Night

Jeremy Schneider is easily my favorite owner in this league. Jeremy never gives himself the credit he deserves. The Roaring Buffalos can sneak up on you if you don’t have your team ready. Jeremy is often sitting by himself on draft night. He doesn’t say much, but his face and body language says it all. Jeremy always feels he drafted the worst on draft night. By the end of the draft, the Surrender Cobra is out in full force. The Buffalos are immediately looking to trade following the draft. Jeremy is one of the good guys in the league. I look for him to have a bounce back draft this year and make a run for the Woody.

Draft night is here once again. It’s like waking up on Christmas morning. When we all gather on Berwick Lane, I look forward to all the draft groups that form and the strategies that persist. Let’s have a good, fun, clean, season.

All the best unless you’re Derreck,

AD.

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